Monday, January 10, 2005

Crimes of the Night...

I sometimes have a hard time seperating what happens at night in my dreams or semi-conscious sleep with reality.

I love sleeping with my place, his place...doesn't matter. I will happily vacate my house if I can wake up with him in the morning. Last night, everything seemed normal. We hung out, chatted a little, got ready for bed, and curled up together for the evening. He's been sick and conjested for several weeks and immediately had problems breathing. Being asthmatic, I completely understood the horrible feeling of waking up because you can't breath.

He started snoring a little, then more, then he'd wake up a bit, then he kind of stopped breathing. I was feeling sympathetic until I got the first assault to my upper back with his pointy elbow. Usually I'm thrilled to be snuggled into the covers with him lying behind me, but this death grip of flying elbows seriously rattled me. My back is fairly bony and lean to start with, but a rigorous kickboxing class the previous day had left me pretty tight. After four elbow jabs, I frantically attempted to figure out how to get away...would he notice if I slept on his couch (ok, tiny loveseat)? Could I roll him over? I was trapped, with nowhere to go and not being able to sleep, I started to become a little resentful. I realize he wasn't doing anything wrong, if anything, he's a victim of a respiratory infection and a desire to sleep close to his chick. After two hours of this, I was exhausted, resentful, and became less concerned when he stopped breathing momentarily.

I finally drifted off to sleep and had a dream that he was breaking up with me. Then I had a dream that I was breaking up with him, in this dream he had caused me so much pain that I could not longer be with him (I had translated back pain into emotional pain). These accidental gestures while sleeping had poisoned my dreams, making me resent this delightful, funny, sensitive creature struggling for breath beside me.

I woke up in the morning (my turn to torture him...the alarm was set for 6 am so I could go to the gym). At first the resentment was still full-fledged, then I slowly realized that all that had happened was my experience alone. He looked sleepy, a little sick...and got dressed to walk me to my car at 6 am instead of rolling over and hitting snooze. My boyfriend is so sweet.


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