A Low Down Dirty Shame

I'm miserable.

I was out with some friends last night (celebrating an accomplishment of mine), and when I came home, I was faced with a true test of my committment to a healthy lifestyle.

My lifestyle wasn't all that unhealthy to begin with, but going off Lipitor opened my eyes to the fact that I need to watch my diet now. I was coasting along, content and secure that the Lipitor was protecting my heart from heart disease. Now I'm on my own.

The boyfriend is probably more concerned about this than I am. One of his main goals in life is to protect me from Bird Flu and high cholesterol. His plan for Bird Flu is to lock me in the basement at the first signs of an outbreak in the U.S. (not actually as a hostage...I guess I assume he'll be with me in my dungeon). But the cholesterol is out of his hands.

The plan: I assured him I would make some real changes. I'm cutting out MOST red meat and fried foods. I don't eat much to start with, but I make enough "exceptions" that I'm sure they'll make a difference. If I want a burger and fries a couple times a year, I will enjoy them as nobody has enjoyed them before. I'm going to try to approach each meal as a vegetarian, and if I can't find something, I'll make the healthiest choice possible (ie., fish or unfried chicken). I also agreed to start reading labels and COMPLETELY cut out Trans Fatty Acids. Sounds simple enough.

Let's get back to my conundrum last night. To celebrate, a friend gave me two boxes of Oreos (one fudge covered and the other fudge covered mint Oreos). My favorite. We got home and I gleefully sat on the couch with my Oreos.

"Hold on", says the boyfriend.

"Why, the box doesn't mention any trans fat", I say with an innocent smile.

"Do you really think the company that makes Oreos is going to boldly advertise their killer fat?"

I think a minute, "Yes." I gush into a story of my recent triumph over trans fat. "I was at work today and there was a box of shortbread Girl Scout cookies on the community food table. I looked at the box, it said 2 grams of trans fat...and I WALKED AWAY!" I'm delighted with my own self control.

He saunters into the office and gets online. I panic. Damn, he's going to really find out for sure before I get my cookies. And so it is, Oreos have MORE trans fat then the shortbreads. He gives me a matter-of-fact look and assures me that he's not telling me not to eat them...I need to make an informed decision on my own. His eyebrows arch in such a way that he's trying to brainwash me into doing the right thing.

I tell him if I have to give them up, he needs to get them out of our living space. I told him that if they're still in the house when I get back from my business trip, I will promptly shove as many into my face as will fit at one time.

When he left for work this morning, the cookies were tucked safely under his arm. His co-workers will enjoy my delicious Oreos.

It occurred to me this morning that my favorite guilty pleasure is McDonald's Oreo McFlurry. Can I still have those? (sigh)