Almost There...

PRIDE begins tomorrow. Everything I could possibly do to be prepared to put the float together is completed. I've gathered all my HIV testing equipment, cleaned and organized the HIV mobile testing unit, organized volunteers, bought 3 cases of water (VITAL...it's rumored to be in the high 90's all weekend...don't want any volunteers down). I couldn't be more prepared...except to rest.

I've been fueled by exhaustion and coffee for a good two weeks now...and haven't had a day off in almost three weeks. I've had a hard time eating or sleeping (that would involve my mind being occupied by something other than obsessing about what I have to do still), and I finally hit a wall yesterday.

Thursday, at 2:00 pm, without warning, I typed an email to my boyfriend, which said, "I'm going home. I'm doing no good here. I think I need to watch a movie. See you later". Could be decoded as a suicide note.

I walked into my bosses office and told him I was going home. He asked if I wasn't feeling well and I replied, "No, just worn out, I think I need to watch a movie". He told me to leave (knowing I have over 40 hours to flex off once PRIDE is over...the more I take off now, the shorter my department will be without a manager later).

I went home, made popcorn, and laid down...with nothing to do. I didn't review resumes of perspective new employees, I didn't work on 'to do' lists, I just watched some mindless soap opera crap. They definitely had bigger issues than me (I couldn't deal with PRIDE if I were also involved in a love triangle with my brother, trying to find my kidnapped child, avenging my recently murdered daughter, and managing a highly successful cosmetics firm...IN ADDITION to trying to build a PRIDE float).

And then, a surprise...the door opens and there was the boyfriend.

"I was 'done' too. I needed to come home...your email just hurried the process".

It's funny how being excited to see him, as opposed to having some alone time, made me realize yet again what it feels like to be in love. I would much rather hang out on the couch with him than by myself (anyone who knows me understands this shocking challenge for me...sharing my time and space). We laid around and talked/giggled, then went to get ice cream...returning home to watch TV and relax (and let's be honest...he played some computer games).

I remarked in the car as we left Dairy Queen, with a plain soft serve cone turned into a cup (it was freakin' hot...it wouldn't have made it to the car!), " You know, this is the first time I've felt carefree and at peace in weeks".

I like that I feel that way sometimes.