Thursday, January 19, 2006

DO NOT See "Hostel"

Please, I beg of you...take this opportunity to learn from my mistake.

The boyfriend was really interested in seeing the movie "Hostel". It looked a little sketchy, but he's sat through enough movies of my choosing to warrant a little flexibility on my part.

The first 30 minutes was soft-core porn. He looks over and his eyes say, "I'm really sorry, this was a complete accident". I could see him out of the corner of my eye wriggling in his seat, very uncomfortable. Not only were there more fake boobs than I could ever hope to see in my lifetime...but young tourists were now being tortured for sport by creepy millionaires that paid for this privelege. Visually, it didn't leave a ton to the imagination.

Luckily, and with the craft of someone used to being sensitive of disturbing images, I covered my eyes enough so that I'm not entirely scarred for life. This definitely ranks up there in the top five movies I wish I could take back seeing (1. American Psycho 2. Natural Born Killers 3. The Prince of Tides (odd, right? I have nightmares about the kids being traumatized) 4. Hostel 5. The Exorcist).

Many people walked out. It wasn't until the end that we realized it didn't say it was written or directed by Quentin Tarantino (the draw to get us there)...it said "Quentin Tarantino Presents".

So my basic assessment is that he talked to his 15-year-old nephew (perhaps a stoner that had really good drugs and was keeping them from Uncle Tarantino unless he did his evil bidding) and this is what said kid came up with. It was COMPLETELY out of the mind of a child. Boobs, torture, evil, boobs, blood, full frontal, boobs.

Side Note: My headshrinker jokingly suggested I wasn't allowed to see the movie. He even offered to write me a doctor's note. I really wish I'd taken that note...there isn't a doctor's prescription in the world to make me forget that worthless crap of a film.

Side Note 2: If you're a 15-year-old boy...go directly to your nearest theater with someone who can get you into an R-rated movie...you will LOVE it (and hopefully it won't contribute to any sort of delinquent or violent behavior)!

3 Comments:

Blogger Stephen (aka Q) said...

I hate fake boobs. One of the stupidest fads ever (and there have been a lot of very stupid fads).

If they had tortured the fake boobs (without hurting the women), I might have paid to see that.

11:49 AM  
Blogger elanflux said...

Natural Born Killers...love it. Beautiful madness.I admit to being warped, I have a sick fascination for the minds of crazies.
Fake boobs say a lot about the person having them and the person( or person's)enjoying them. I'm all for them. That way, before wasting my time, I will know, up front, that I will not have a lot in common, emotionally, spiritually, or physically with this person and should probably avoid conversation...of course this depends heavily on the SIZE. The reason for having them also factors in, but in this case one must have determined that the size is acceptable enough to engage contact.
I think men,the ones without 'altered' girlfriends/wives, should get fake boobs to. It's so much easier to determine character before the pleasantries of small talk can rip time from me that I will never again have back.

1:21 PM  
Blogger elanflux said...

oh and thanks for the warning, I was looking forward to seeing Hostel....I'm bummed.

1:23 PM  

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