Tuesday, May 09, 2006

Car Accident Part 2: Closure Is Near

My insurance assessor finally came to his senses and made the call that my car is a total loss. I expected to feel really good about it, knowing that I could start over...and not owning a junkheap. I need to send my title, and they'll send me a check to use towards my new vehicle (it's actually enough that if I chose to, I wouldn't have to spend any of my own money...but really, how realistic is that?).

I went to the auto body place to clean out my car today. I'd forgotten how much I loved that car until I got there and saw what was left of it. When I set out to get a new car back in 2002, I knew exactly what I wanted, exactly what color. All I had to do was make the right deal. I took a friend with me to pose as either my father, brother, partner, whatever...basically he was the muscle in case I caved and couldn't walk away if I didn't get what I wanted. Driving that car home, I felt so sure that I would drive that thing into the ground. This would be the car I would drive for at least 10 years. Since I really don't WANT a different car, I'm not sure where to start. I'll post possible cars on here once I start looking.

Anyway, I've felt like I have a lump in my throat all day. I didn't go to work because my neck started throbbing yesterday, but I think I'll be ok to go tomorrow.

It's funny how fast I can sink to feeling like a deadbeat and like I'm holding people back. It's not like EFA needs me there to function, but I feel like I'm neglecting the agency and my department. I know the Boyfriend doesn't feel this way, but I've started to feel like I'm holding him back in having fun and being productive. I wouldn't want to be around me right now, why would he (again, I'm projecting...I'm quite sure he doesn't feel this way)?

In times like these, it takes all the energy I can muster up not to isolate myself from other people. It's been a while since I've felt this down, but I think I need to accept that this will happen sometimes, and it's ok for me to feel these feelings.

At least I have plenty of time to find a new vehicle. My insurance will cover the rental until May 30th. I'd hate to have to make a snap decision while I'm not feeling like myself. The Boyfriend and I are going car shopping this weekend.

I wonder how the uninsured driver that hit me is doing?

4 Comments:

Blogger Liz said...

I'm glad the insurance guy came to his senses.

So does your comment mean that you wouldn't buy your own car again? You want a different make/model? I remember you saying that consumer reports finally gave the thumbs up to your old car. I'll anxiously await hearing about the car decision. It is a big one--and the choices can be overwhelming. Decide first what you will use it for (hauling stuff, transporting kitties, etc.) then consider your options.

5:08 PM  
Blogger Stephen (aka Q) said...

You're grieving a loss. I know, it's only a car. But maybe a little more than that, since you invested something of yourself in this particular car.

Now you're in the process of grieving, to judge from your description. Presumably (since it is only a car) it won't last too long. Don't be too tough on yourself in the meantime.

12:04 PM  
Anonymous stella said...

I was always the first to wreck (or injure) the few new cars we bought over the years. I understand you being upset even if it is only a car. BF and I share chocolate issues-I must have chocolate every day. I actually hide some in my underwear drawer. Also, Stella is from whence I came. Happy car shopping!

2:50 PM  
Blogger Carolyn said...

Stella,

I've joked (kind of, I was HALF joking)from time-to-time that I should carry chocolate in my purse in case the BF has some sort of breakdown that can be eased by dark chocolate.

9:34 AM  

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