Facebook is Kind of the Devil

I signed up for both MySpace and Facebook for two reasons:
1. Because I have many associates who "collect" friends on these networking sites like some might collect thimbles or embroidered patches while traveling. They get really excited about adding more, seeing them pile up.
2. Because I like to check people out that I'm interviewing for jobs. Seriously, you would be SHOCKED what some people put online about themselves, especially while seeking employment. A MySpace or Facebook profile can be better than any reference!

So here I am, I'm on these, checking in every couple months and feeling kind of guilty because I've not kept up with accepting friend requests, and I've got an inbox full of messages from people I know and like.

Then I got bored one day. I realized there was such thing as "friend finder" on Facebook and I took a peek. It was pretty interesting actually - you could look up people through your email or your high school class. I even stuck my neck out and invited a couple people to be my friend - and then panic struck.

Now, I realize that probably 99.9% of people in my high school class didn't know me anywhere near as well as I knew me...and I wasn't a fan of me. I really wasn't. I have a hard time recalling much about high school actually. I know I dated boys who were older, never from my class (yeah, creepy), I was fairly "troubled", but in ways I think I hid pretty well (and also in ways I didn't realize were a problem until my mid-twenties). I remember always hanging out with people and having a lot of fun, but I also remember I moved around to different people a lot. I couldn't maintain long term friendships. I'm not sure if that was my doing, or if it was theirs, but it was definitely a pattern (except for Amanda).

And now I'm in St. Louis. I've figured myself out, "detroubled" - and I like myself. I have a lot of friends - people I've been friends with for almost 8 years. I've found a certain amount of serenity and feel centered, accepted, and reassured that it will continue. I also have a pretty kick-ass husband with a huge brain...and yes, he's still an older boy (I will undoubtedly have much to write after his 20-year high school reunion in Chicago this weekend).

Which brings me back around to Facebook. I started feeling nervous when I opening sought acceptance from high school people . I don't know what they thought of me, and I really don't care. But a certain insecure high schooler part of me started caring. What if they ignore my request? OR, what if they accept it because they feel sorry for me or because it's the polite thing to do? Did I like them? Did they make me dislike myself more?

What it all comes down to is this: I've chatted with a couple people on Facebook that I really liked in high school. We've chatted about things that we're doing now - not about back then. I'm pretty established here and don't have anything to feel insecure about. It's a networking site that's kind of fun, and I too kind of like to "collect" friends. I've run into my cousins, my co-workers, my high school classmates, but mostly people I'm friends with now.

Anywho, if you get around to it and happen to be on Facebook...you know, look me up...(the photo above is for no particular reason, I just like it, and the post seemed too bare).