LSAT

I'm studying for the LSAT (Law School Admission Test).

It's been my dream for as long as I can remember to be an attorney. But this test could possibly be crushing all the life within me. That assessment may be premature, as I've only studied twice so far. But both times were fairly discouraging. Afterall, I've been out of college for 8 years!

The up side is that I'm not taking it until July 12th.

I have to admit that I have a mental block that's holding me back. Having been diagnosed with ADD just 4 years ago, I didn't have the benefit of treatment as a student. It just wasn't something that girls were diagnosed with...especially those that were bright. If I enjoyed a subject, I performed extremely well. If I wasn't interested, I frustrated teachers and my parents. NOTHING could motivate me if I was bored (that's kind of still true).

So my sister (a teacher that's a rockstar working with special needs kids), in conjunction with my mother, pretty much diagnosed me about 4 years ago. I went on, and remain on ritalin, and my performance in all areas has improved.

Back to my dream...to be an attorney. I know I can do it. I know I'm smart enough. But can I get past all those disapointments in school and realize I can do it? I have to.

Another aspect of my agony is that I've agreed to ask for accomodations for a disability. This is hard for two reasons. 1) I don't want special treatment. Like a child in school, I don't want to be different, I want to fit in with all the other kids. 2) I don't consider my ADD a disability. I think it's a gift, one that's given me attributes that only come from this imbalance. I'm intuitive, detail-oriented (when I want to be), I can multi-task like nothing anyone could imagine (yes, it may appear as a crazy person juggling, but it works), I'm creative and imaginative, and quirky. It actually defines who I am, and I like who I am...and lots of people do also.

10:00 AM is when it's on...and by on, I mean the beginning of my third study session. I'm studying for an hour and a half, then working out, then studying for another hour and a half.

Best case scenario - I get into a pattern of studying and do well on the test. I get into a stellar law school and live happily ever after.

Worst case scenario - I get into a pattern, but don't break my pattern of bad study habits, don't score well, don't get into law school, and live happily ever after (and am out only a couple hundred dollars).

Either way, I'll live happily ever after.