I got my LSAT scores

I got my LSAT scores back.  They were not stellar.  I’m not sure what this means as far as applying to law school…but I’m not feeling very well.  So, this is my official notice that I probably won’t be bouncing around announcing my score.  I really just don’t feel like talking about it.  

I'm Surrounded By Stars

Recently, it seems that everyone around me is tremendously talented, or at the very least, very active. I've been bombarded by published photos of people I know who are participating in different events.

The first one to surface was of The Boyfriend's mother, we'll call her "Stella". She participated in the Senior Olympics in the Florida Community that she and The Boyfriend's father live (we don't have a name for his dad yet...we'll see). She won the Gold medal in the 5k race/walk with a time of 33:45, and Bronze in the 5k run with a time of 30:04. These races were 30 minutes apart. Honestly, I'm not sure I could have (ok, I KNOW I couldn't have) even finished both of these events. To the right is a picture of her in the race/walk...I can assume this may be her leading the pack, as this is the event she won the Gold.

Then my sister told me about my brother-in-law, E, participating in the Texas Police Games (I don't think it's a good idea of me to post a picture of him...that whole law enforcement thing...ya never know if I could compromise him in some way). I hate to admit it, but I NEVER tire of saying "it's kind of like the Special Olympics, but with guns". I realize what it actually is - a group of very fit law enforcement officers battling it out, and taking a lot of pride in their medals (they take so much pride when they make a drug bust, I can't imagine what a medal in the games would mean).

And then there's "A", my friend at work. She's on the front cover of the Vital Voice this month to promote the Gay Games in Chicago in July. You can't see the picture very well, but she's kneeling down in an orange jersey (below Morgan Fairchild...I'll talk more about her in a later post...she was the Grand Marshall at our PRIDE parade...but I never found her, I really wanted to meet her). From what I understant, "A's" team is a pretty athletic group that has a good chance for stardom at the Gay Games.

The one word all these events make me think of is "belonging". We form groups and teams, then compete in them to build connections. We feel like we have something in common with these other people, and feel proud to be associated with them. It makes me feel good that I'm surrounded by people who seek these relationships, because I require these same types of interactions. I NEED to be a part of a group that makes me feel like I'm not a reject. Now, I may not fit every group, but I have my cozy groups that are vital for my happiness.

Sadly, the only published picture of me last month was in St. Louis Home, a "society" magazine. E called me to say, "How did you end up in St. Louis Home?!?! You're not "society"". To which I responded, "Girl, I'm so NOT "society" that I AM "society"".

The Block Plant

Growing up, I always felt really proud that my father worked at a block plant. I'm not sure I've ever mentioned that to him, but I think part of what I liked about it was that I had a great place for exploring. Now, I wasn't given too much freedom to explore...this is the kind of place that men lose fingers and crush limbs.

It started when I was really young. I may have been the only kid I knew to climb to the top of a giant sand pile. At the time, it seemed to be as big

as the factory...huge. I doubt it was all that I'd imagined it to be.

As I grew older, I pictured myself working there...carrying a lunch pail, my mom packing an insulated canteen with warm soup, a hard hat with my last name on it, light blue chambray buttoned down shirt with my name embroidered on the pocket, dusty shoes at night. Even though my dad works in an office crunching numbers, he still gets plenty of time to wander around the machinery if he chooses.

During one summer while I was in college I actually worked there for a bit. My memory is a little sketchy, I can't remember how long I was there or if I did a good job (or really what I did for that matter...I know I was at a desk), but it felt good to be a part of it.

Did I mention my grandfather and godfather build the plant? It always felt like a family legacy. Even after they sold to a larger operation, my dad stayed on, and the new company still felt like family...most of them had known me as a small child. The company is small, but it allows for moving up the ladder in surprising ways. This last year, my dad passed a couple tests to elevate him to quite a skilled level in his field.

Anyway, the whole point of this post is that I got to do something that I've always wanted to do, and always thought I would do at some time...I took some pictures in the plant. My dad was showing around The Boyfriend, explaining the different processes, and I moved around snapping black and whites with my camera. There were so many cool angles and variances in lighting. Most of the pictures are uninteresting...but some are really stunning to me.

Stunning might be a strong word for it, but for me, the photos represent adventures in my childhood.

The LSAT

I hated it.

I got to Forest Park Community College around noon, ready to take this damnable test. I got in last minute calls to my mom and The Boyfriend, then started eating Sprees to calm me down (most people are not aware that on most occasions, I have a roll or two of Sprees in my purse...mmm, candy).

The proctors were Ms. Crabby McCrabberson and Ms. Snotty O'Snottyhan. They yelled, sighed, rolled their eyes and said we were not allowed to leave the room to go to the bathroom..."you're not children, you can hold it". That's what they thought (not the part about not holding it, the part about us not being children).

I don't believe they were prepared for the childlike discord that broke out after they took away everyone's non-beeping timepieces. The rules said they were allowed, but Ms. McC chose to go against the rules. We (and by we, I mean the people whose watches/timers had been snatched out of their sweating hands...I was not one of those people because that's just one more thing to keep track of) hooted and hollered that their rights were being infringed upon. She wasn't hearin' it. When she got to a section detailing that WE WERE entitled to them, and some test-takers asked for them back, she responded with, "Go get them? Oh, I can't leave you in here unattended". Did she understand that she was surrounded by 40 wannabe attorneys? She had a hard time from then on out.

Ok, so my personal experience. I was seated next to a man that weighed around 300 lbs. (no joke, that's not an exaggeration), he had problems breathing. During the entire test he sounded like a cross between snoring and an asthma attack. Occasionally I looked over just to make sure he didn't have his hands around his neck to signal that he couldn't breath. To my right was some spazzy kid who got yelled at for wearing headphones and was tapping his pencil on his foot. I wanted to put my hands around HIS throat to MAKE SURE he couldn't breath.

But I have to tell you, with all the chaos and confusion, I got kind of relaxed. I'd had a minor asthma incident before going in, but watching Ms. McC grapple with 22-year-old snotty college kids kind of got my mind off what I was there for. My breathing regulated, I relaxed (meaning I stopped tapping my pencil on my foot).

The test itself was horrific. We didn't start until 1:35 (we were scheduled to start at 12:30) and got out at 6:00 pm. By then, The Boyfriend was blowing up my phone trying to find out where I was (I'd casually told him I'd be out by 3 or 3:30). He was worried that I hadn't felt good about my performance and was off by myself feeling sad. He's so cute. :)

Afterward, I felt terrible about how I'd done...until I found out the ungraded experimental section was Section #2 (I'd guessed on 15 out of 25 on that part). Woo-hoo!

So now I've downloaded applications to Washington University and Saint Louis University. I haven't looked into when I'll get my test score, the importance of it kind of slipped away. I know my grades/scores won't be what get me in either of those schools...it's all about the personal statement. This personal statement is going to have to knock them over...and it will.

What I Want To Be When I Grow Up

When I was a kid, I think I had a pretty clear vision of "what I wanted to be when I grew up". I don't know if I articulated it to my parents and teachers, or if I put an appropriate picture on it to go undetected as a freakshow.

There are three things I remember wanting to become. The first is a dinosaur (actually a brontosaurus). If I'd thought it through a little more, I'd have realized that brontosaurus' are really fat and have big asses. That's the exact opposite of where I would have wanted to be as an adult. They seemed pretty peaceful, had graceful necks, and I think I appreciated that they were studied and had a place in history (yes, I did think like that when I was young, creepy).

The next thing I wanted to be was Joan Jett. That's obviously not an option, probably less likely than a dinosaur (my ass has gotten to giant creature-like proportions at different points in time). Joan Jett is way too cool for me to emulate (and I've tried "living like a rock star" at different points in time and it didn't go so well). Jett has her own place in history that I respect. She was a hard rockin' female at a time when there weren't too many to choose from. She was and is known for her skill on the guitar, as well as for just not caring if boys like her or not.

With these first two options unrealistic, I defer to my third: to be an attorney. And so the time has arrived, the LSAT is tomorrow. I'm nervous, scared, and disbelieving that I actually took some action towards making that dream come true. I studied all day Friday, all day (and night) yesterday, and today I am doing whatever I want to do. So far, that's meant downloading Joan Jett and other 80's techno remixes.

Seems the whole Joan Jett thing is coming full circle.

Are We Still Trying to Ban Gay Marriage?

And by "we", I mean President Bush.

"Ages of experience have taught us that the commitment of a husband and a wife to love and to serve one another promotes the welfare of children and the stability of society," Bush said in his Saturday radio address. "Marriage cannot be cut off from its cultural, religious and natural roots without weakening this good influence on society."

I’m no scholar of religion, and I’m certainly not regularly involved in debates concerning gay marriage (mostly because EVERYONE around me is supportive of same sex unions), but this seems like such a non-issue when we’ve got soldiers dying in Iraq, whole families being gunned down in Indiana, and Oprah hunting down pedophiles (Oprah really has nothing to do with the gay marriage issue, but it seems crazy to me that a TV personality is being more proactive than our government in stalking these predators).

If one were to break down the quote above, it’s so easy to argue against it.

"Ages of experience have taught us that the commitment of a husband and a wife to love and to serve one another promotes the welfare of children and the stability of society,"

My Thoughts: I would like to see cited documentation as to where these “ages of experience” are coming from. We can’t say that opposite sex unions are more loving and successful for raising children. I’m not aware of any research that proves children are worse off having two mommies or two daddies. I do, however, know of plenty of same sex couples that have gone to great lengths to adopt children who needed homes. I’ve also watched these adoptive parents take care to ensure their kids are confident in who they are, aware of their family structure, and surrounded by like-minded kids at school. I’m sure this happens, but when’s the last time you saw a same sex couple being charged for child abuse, or going on a killing spree…or even was charged with sexually abusing children? Again, I’m sure this happens, but it’s not the majority of news stories out there.

I grew up in a loving and functional family with two parents that raised three children that are productive members of society. They are a good example of marriage working. But everyone knows that I could have just as likely come from a broken family…statistics give marriage less than a 50% chance these days. Would I have been better in a single parent home, or one with two loving parents, regardless of their genders?

"Marriage cannot be cut off from its cultural, religious and natural roots without weakening this good influence on society."

My Thoughts: Marriages “natural roots” come from religion. We supposedly have a separation of church and state. Religious issues really shouldn’t have a bearing on social policy, although most in this administration have religious motivations behind them. When I think of “weakening this good influence on society”, it makes me think of domestic abuse (which also happens in same sex couples…but it’s also VERY common in opposite sex couples). Being married does not decrease a man/woman’s propensity towards violence on their partner. It doesn’t make them a better person. It also doesn’t make their relationship any more valid.

Bush said the amendment would fully protect marriage from being redefined, while leaving state legislatures free to make their own choices in defining legal arrangements other than marriage.

Well that’s very generous of our fearless leader, he’s letting states define legal arrangements…well there are already legal ways of protecting assets and partner rights, such as living wills and power of attorney. He just doesn’t get it.

I realize I’m not someone who’s personally affected by these laws, but if I were, this would feel really insulting. By saying, “would fully protect marriage from being redefined”, he makes it sound like it’s a club for the cool kids. Why is it so wrong for two men or two women to have their love legitimized? If it were truly an issue of “defining legal arrangements”, this wouldn’t be such a big deal. But the way this issue has been repeatedly presented seems as though Bush is threatened by acknowledging that same sex couples could ever begin to feel as deeply, or as committed as an opposite sex couple.

I’m hoping this agenda is stalled until he goes away. His presidency is a period where battles need to be carefully chosen…hopefully we have someone around the bend that will value all Americans, and the freedoms that are supposed to be available for us all…regardless of whether we live as he does or not.