A Cry For Help...

Over our bagged lunches one day, discussion broke out about Lent and what everyone was giving up. Responses were varied (I mentioned that if I were pressed on the issue, I would give up abstinence from drinking alcohol...SO DON'T PRESS ME!). Anyway, 'A' proudly exclaimed that she was giving up chocolate and non-diet Coke.

She's really been doing so well. What transpired today came out of nowhere - completely unpredictable.

I heard her mumbling at the vending machine about an hour ago, "There's nothing in here...need a snack".

Suddenly, she was in my doorway, a shadowy figure with an object in a silver wrapper poised by her mouth.

"Forgive me Lord, for I have sinned". The 3 Musketeers inched towards her mouth.

Forgetting her vow of abstinence from chocolate, I said supportingly, "Oh, there's less calories in those than many...wait, you're not supposed to...".

I lunged out of my chair and towards her as she spun on her heels and ran down the hall, through the reception area, and towards the safety of her office. She ran much faster than I expected for someone with legs half the length of mine...but her running was also fueled with the need for chocolate.

She swung around and tucked the sinful treat down the front of her shirt.

"'A', seriously, you've done so well. Don't do it now".

"Carolyn, I really need it and there isn't much in the vending machine".

"Ok, I understand, I have some Girlscout cookies in my car and I'll go get them...just hand over the 3 Musketeers."

"What kind of Girlscout cookies? Are they chocolate?"

"No, they're shortbread and I could have them up here in a couple minutes"

As a side note: I REALLY wanted to get those cookies out of my car so I could stop binging on them on my way to and from work. I may live only two miles away, but I can cram a whole lot of short breads in my mouth on that seven minute drive.

Back to the story: She gingerly handed over the candy bar and I locked it in my office. She went down to my car with me and ate a few cookies on the way back up. I told her to put the remaining cookies in her desk for the next time her addiction reared it's ugly head. She sent an email a couple minutes ago to thank me for saving her soul, but also to tell me that though she's not anywhere near satiated, she realized she would have felt really guilty if she had given in.

In any case, disaster was averted (although for someone who says she's let go of Catholic guilt, I'm not sure how much guilt she would have actually felt about eating a candy car). And as I write this post, I'm still savoring the sweet taste of chocolate and nougat. Man, that 3 Musketeers was DELICIOUS!

Gray

I'm not in a bad mood, but I'm certainly not in a good mood. You ever have one of those days where an issue brought about by someone else weighs on you and causes you to question your self-worth? I wish I were a stronger person so that it didn't happen, but I'm not - I care what people think about me, whether I agree with them or not.

There are a couple things that have helped me crawl out of the funk. Last night I was completely heart-broken. I was like lying-in-bed-at-8:00-and-ready-for-bed heartbroken. The Boyfriend was fantastic in listening to me without trying to fix the issue (I can appreciate a good shoulder to cry on every now and then). We unanimously agreed that I needed to call M and get her involved. I called her and the grayness began to thin. Her passionate belief in my value as a human allowed a complete turnaround in my evening. Her humorous and supportive emails throughout the day today gave me a booster shot of positive energy.

This goes without saying...but my posse of my mom and sister were on call and prepared for action. I probably talked to them more in the last two days than in a typical week. There's just something about female relatives to make you feel like you have a "crew". Who'd have thought that I'd have a crew?

What's something else that helped throughout the day? Downloading fonts. Yeah, that's right, I'm a hoarder of fonts. I went to this site with one hundred million (probably less than that, but I could never work through all they have) awesome fonts and picked out a dozen or so and saved them to my computer. I've done this before with life-altering results. I get the excitement of designing something and when I go to select a font I'm like, "Oh my goodness...there are new fonts in here!". I'm a geek (but this font thing is a true story...and you too can become a fontophile by going to www.dafont.com).

The third thing that's made me feel more pink or red than gray is that fact that I have amazing people in my life. A phone call from C in the middle of the afternoon just to chat and make plans to meet for dinner. I feel good that he picked me to share 15 minutes of his day with. He then picked AT LEAST an hour more to eat with me on Sunday. That's some investment, folks.

I'm not feeling so heartbroken today. I'm not as alone as I thought I was yesterday. I have people I can go to and they love me even though I'm flawed (I don't say that in a self-deprecating way...you're flawed too!).