Thursday, March 15, 2007

A Cry For Help...

Over our bagged lunches one day, discussion broke out about Lent and what everyone was giving up. Responses were varied (I mentioned that if I were pressed on the issue, I would give up abstinence from drinking alcohol...SO DON'T PRESS ME!). Anyway, 'A' proudly exclaimed that she was giving up chocolate and non-diet Coke.

She's really been doing so well. What transpired today came out of nowhere - completely unpredictable.

I heard her mumbling at the vending machine about an hour ago, "There's nothing in here...need a snack".

Suddenly, she was in my doorway, a shadowy figure with an object in a silver wrapper poised by her mouth.

"Forgive me Lord, for I have sinned". The 3 Musketeers inched towards her mouth.

Forgetting her vow of abstinence from chocolate, I said supportingly, "Oh, there's less calories in those than many...wait, you're not supposed to...".

I lunged out of my chair and towards her as she spun on her heels and ran down the hall, through the reception area, and towards the safety of her office. She ran much faster than I expected for someone with legs half the length of mine...but her running was also fueled with the need for chocolate.

She swung around and tucked the sinful treat down the front of her shirt.

"'A', seriously, you've done so well. Don't do it now".

"Carolyn, I really need it and there isn't much in the vending machine".

"Ok, I understand, I have some Girlscout cookies in my car and I'll go get them...just hand over the 3 Musketeers."

"What kind of Girlscout cookies? Are they chocolate?"

"No, they're shortbread and I could have them up here in a couple minutes"

As a side note: I REALLY wanted to get those cookies out of my car so I could stop binging on them on my way to and from work. I may live only two miles away, but I can cram a whole lot of short breads in my mouth on that seven minute drive.

Back to the story: She gingerly handed over the candy bar and I locked it in my office. She went down to my car with me and ate a few cookies on the way back up. I told her to put the remaining cookies in her desk for the next time her addiction reared it's ugly head. She sent an email a couple minutes ago to thank me for saving her soul, but also to tell me that though she's not anywhere near satiated, she realized she would have felt really guilty if she had given in.

In any case, disaster was averted (although for someone who says she's let go of Catholic guilt, I'm not sure how much guilt she would have actually felt about eating a candy car). And as I write this post, I'm still savoring the sweet taste of chocolate and nougat. Man, that 3 Musketeers was DELICIOUS!


Anonymous A said...

U suck...and Rock all at the same that possible? thanx

4:34 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Girl Scout Cookies represent all that is wrong with this country and its hedonistic values. We buy that shit from little girls who at the ages of 9 are already cogs in the machine, bidding the work of the devil himself. Some son-of-a-bitch whose hands always smell of fish sits in an office that over looks the warehouse district of some port city and thinks bad thoughts about the maple syrup at Uncle Bills. "This is the answer! Good God man, can't you see it?" He screams at passing barges on the river. They never hear him of course, but the real irony is that last Tuesday, a 19-year-old deck hand by the name of "Robbie" and who is generally high by 7:45 in the morning, noticed some dude staring out his office window and they floated by. Robbie has thoughts that he usually won't admit to out on the barge. That morning, he stared at the guy in the window who had hands that smelled of fish and the guy stared back at Robbie. "Mutual judgment" is the official term. Fuck them both. They are the left over scrambled egg in a McDonald’s wrapper at the end of a "breakfast sandwich." That's a helluva destiny if you think about it.

9:00 AM  
Blogger Carolyn said...

I'm pretty sure I already know who you are, Anonymous...and it's time you stuck your neck out and got a name...perhaps one that would reflect your struggles against "the Man" (even though you kind of are "the Man"), and all that strives to defeat social justice.

Plus, Girl Scout cookies make the world go round.

10:14 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You're bitter over the screen door. There was a moment in time that I loved her, if only for a few minutes.

11:27 AM  
Blogger Carolyn said...

Gross...why must you post such comments this close to lunch time?

11:29 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Some people, I swear if breathing wasn’t a reflex would suffocate for sure. Every 6 months or so when some dude from a town in California walks into a restaurant or 7-11 or an office park and shoots 4 people, I can almost understand why. Ever notice every town in California seems like they have the same name? “Los Palos, Los Palto, Los Alamo, Los, Los, Los,” wtf is that all about?

I don’t know. I want to smoke. I’m bored.

3:05 PM  

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